Adolescence - A Psychotherapist's take on the Netflix Show

This isn’t a whodunnit, but a whydunnit?

Disclaimer and spoiler alert:

I’m not justifying what Jamie did—murder is never acceptable. But I found myself sobbing throughout the Netflix series, Adolescence. I couldn’t help but feel deeply and profoundly sad for the 13-year-old child in Jamie, because that part of him still shows up throughout the series. In his jokes, his playfulness—you can see glimpses of innocence. And yet, there’s no awareness, no empathy, no remorse. That’s what makes it terrifying.

Adolescence on Netflix isn’t just a crime drama—it’s an exploration of modern masculinity, the manosphere, online radicalization, and the way adolescents (or tomorrow's young adults) are being shaped today. On the surface, it’s about an investigation, about knife crime, about a boy who lashes out violently after being rejected. But I hope that’s not all we take away from it. This series is about male rage, but also about our own rage, our own lack of awareness. It paints a complicated portrait of masculinity—how it’s been passed down, how it’s changing, and how, in many ways, it isn’t.

My sadness comes from the fact that Jamie is a victim in his own way. He’s been failed by a school system that didn’t help him. By parents who never really saw him. By friends who didn’t reach him in the way he needed. By his own brain chemistry. And by the toxic, radicalizing ideas he consumed online, especially about incels (which I had to Google, by the way). It’s not just one thing—it’s all of these factors colliding. Adolescence shows us, step by step, how it happens. And it makes you realize: kids watch everything—their parents’ actions, treatment of the opposite gender, tone of voice, body language, the words they use, and even the media they consume. They’re absorbing everything, even when you think they’re not paying attention. How much media they consume, what kind of media, and the language used around them all shape their worldview. Jamie is a product of all of it.

Jamie’s emotional patterns are clearly shaped by what he learned at home. The main character that comes to mind is Jamie's father, Eddie, who is also his "most appropriate adult" when he is being interrogated. Eddie is not a bad man—he genuinely believes he did his best as a dad, and in so many ways, we can see he has. Unlike his own childhood, where physical abuse was a normalcy, Eddie made sure his kids were raised without that kind of violence. He seems to be a hard-working man who created a safe and stable environment, but instead of addressing his own deeper-rooted issues, he redirected his short temper elsewhere. The father never hits anyone, but he offloads his emotions on everyone around him—tearing down a shed, throwing paint across a parking lot, pushing a smaller teen. Meanwhile, Jamie—carrying that same anger but with nowhere to put it—ends up stabbing a young girl who mocked and rejected him. Same rage, same entitlement, just different expressions.

In episode 4, we see how his wife and daughter respond to that temper: they walk on eggshells, give him space, placate him. He’s not always like that, but when he is, it still sends a message to the viewer. Why are women expected to normalize this type of stuff? At one point, Jamie’s mom even says, “He has a temper just like his dad.” Like it’s a small thing. It’s not. While Eddie tries to show love to his wife, calling her “my love,” his tone is hard to digest. Frustration sometimes seeps through, revealing the complexity of his emotions—he wants to love, but his own struggles get in the way.

Then there’s the pressure he puts on Jamie—pushing him into football and boxing, trying to “toughen him up,” even though Jamie clearly has no interest or skill in either. But it’s still the "manly" thing to do. The father probably thinks he’s preparing his son for the real world, and none of what he does is out of cruelty. But what Jamie actually learns is that he isn’t good enough in his dad’s eyes. That kind of unspoken disappointment can be just as damaging as outright rejection.

Despite his flaws, Eddie’s love for his son is clear. He wants to protect him and does his best to support him, even when things aren’t going well. We see this when he believes Jamie’s denial and instinctively gives him a hug—a moment full of the protective love of a father who only wants what’s best for his son. We see it again at the end, in perhaps one of the most powerful scenes of the series, when Eddie tightly holds on to the teddy bear in his son's empty bedroom.

One of my favourite moments is when the dad admits he doesn’t always get things right. He acknowledges that his wife would probably have handled things better than he did. And that’s the thing—when he’s vulnerable, when he’s not posturing, he sees her as the stronger, more capable one. But despite that awareness, she’s still the one constantly keeping the peace in the home, even when their son is in jail. She absorbs his emotions time and time again, while we barely see him tending to her heartbrokenness as a mother.

Anyways. There are far too many themes to explore than possible in this stand-alone post. I plan on writing a second one from the perspective of the psychologist that interviews him in episode 3, eventually when I find time. For now, the bottom line is, are parents to blame for pathological children? No. We need to stop putting all the onus on parents and recognize that all of us—men and women, parents or not—must be mindful of what we’re consuming, how we’re living, and the values we’re normalizing. It’s not just on parents to raise the next generation; it’s on all of us. But parents do have the added and constant pressure of racing against time—kids are growing up faster, and technology, social media, and other external influences are literally at the tips of our fingers.

It’s all connected. Adolescence isn’t just about one act of violence or one boy’s anger. It’s about how we raise boys, what we teach them about strength, about emotions, about validation. This series unpacks all of that. And I hope people don’t just watch it as a crime show—I hope they see the bigger picture.